Damn it to hell

This has been a tough day. I realized I had better go to the welfare agent for the town and apply for welfare. I have an appointment with her for Thursday. It felt so humbling. What I really want to say is that I felt embarassed and humiliated, but then someone at a meeting tonight told me that I needed to learn the difference between humility and humiliation, and that it will only humiliate me if I let it. I wanted to drink today. So, I went to a meeting. Then coming out of the meeting someone called me over to talk with me, and I lost my balance stepping off the goddamned walk and fell. Naturally I put my arms out to break my fall and it hurt both my shoulders. Damn, fuck, shit and piss me off. I need for my shoulders to get better. I had a really good PT session today, it really helped and I felt so good. Instead of drinking I bought a huge ice cream and ate the whole thing. Incidently it was also my dinner, since I hadn't had dinner yet. That is my rationalization for eating the whole thing. I wanted it to take me out of myself and it did.