Hey I learned how to cut and paste!

Hey,
Thanks for your comment. I checked out your blog, and it is fascinating, and also alot to take in all at once! I tried to post a note on your blog, but don't know your e-mail address and it was asking for that, so I decided to e-mail you directly. I enjoyed the clip, but I have to tell you: I worked this year with middle school kids labelled as ADHD. Some on medication, some not. I have come to the conclusion that some kids do have something going on, but it is neurological, environmental, biological, what is it, and why do we have so many kids labelled as ADHD? I asked some people why so many kids were labelled now. More than one person mentioned parenting. I definitely had to agree. There were kids it seemed never had any limits set on their behavior. I was trying to give them limits as were others. I tried telling them (when they would tell me first that it was impossible for them to be quiet at all), that they could be quiet for periods of time, that I had seen them be quiet. So, it is a matter of how it is looked at. We do not do some kids any favors by labelling them because then they just give up. Having said that, there was one child who was not on meds, and I have to say he truly had something going on with him, he truly could not sit and remain quiet for more than 10 seconds (except when I gave him a timer and gave him a reward for every 10 minutes he could be quiet). What does that say?
But on the other hand, I asked my doctor (Physiatrist--specializing in people who have disabilities) if he ever met someone with CP without ADD and he laughed and said :"It comes with the territory". When someone has a definite brain injury it is much more verifiable and believable that they have trouble with attention and organizational skills.
I have seen the same in me, and know that it takes extraordinary effort for me to concentrate and organize myself and I have long had a reputation as an airhead. It was relieving to me to have a doctor verify that I have ADD since no one else has taken me seriously on it because I did well in school my whole life and can hold down jobs. I don't think I have it severely, but if I am stressed or tired, it is more noticeable.
----- Original Message -----
From: slö
To: Loripoet@verizon.net
Sent: Saturday, June 23, 2007 7:34 PM
Subject: [Criplife2: Living with CP in Middle Age] New comment on Boring Criplife.
slö has left a new comment on your post "Boring Criplife": hey, how are you these days.yep, empathy seems to be ruled by the media too for some people, sometimes.hope i can cheer you up a bit with this: springfever

Boring Criplife

Nothing is happening in my Criplife, which is why I haven't been here. I suppose I ought to be glad for the quiet. I guess I am actually. No wonder no one comes here! I don't say much. Having said that, I am currently attending a weekend poetry writing retreat and there is lots of wine around. I want so much to have a drink. My Criplife has been boring, but my mental health life has not. I have been plagued by memories of past abuse between my brother and I, and also of past invasive procedures I endured while in the hospital as a child. These memories have resurfaced since my colonoscopy. They suck big time. They suck like crazy.
They just plain suck. I am not comfortable going into any more detail than that. I don't want this to become a catalogue of my abusive past.
I have realized for quite some time now that I am jealous of the attention people with cancer get for being "survivors" of their cancer. The American Cancer Society has been very good at spearheading this, along with the variety of events to mark survivalhood. I suppose part of the "popularity" so to speak of cancer survivorhood and books about surviving cancer have to do with the fear that any one of us can get cancer. I just remembered MS though--people with MS have walks and other events, maybe that is because people who are able bodied can get MS. They can get a cure too, theoretically. Strides are being made all the time Those of us who have CP or some other disability that we have had all of our lives are not a threat to people in the same way: other adults cannot get what we have, unless of course they get spinal cord injured, or head injured. But then, usually it is not a life and death struggle in the immediate the way cancer is, but we all who are in this disabled lifestyle know full well that we can and do die from our disabilities sometimes. If it doesn't kill us from some physical issue than we kill ourselves from suicide or we become drug or alcohol addicted, which is slow suicide. When I hear people talking about their books about surviving breast cancer, or the person with the cancer blog on NPR, I want to yell: "we are survivors too, and we have been doing it all of our lives, and we will do it all of our lives until the day we die!" We will not go into remission or be pronounced cured. Then when I am done thinking these thoughts, I wonder if my problem is I just feel sorry for myself. I wish others were reading this blog so they could tell me what they think!

Gimp Humor

A few weeks back I had to have a colonoscopy and when I awoke I had a nurse looking after me who had her hand bandaged. She kept referring to herself as Gimpy. At one point she went outside my curtained area to ask for help doing something with me (I forget what) but she went out and said: "Can someone help gimpy?" and there was silence. Then I heard her say: "No, I mean ME". I was laughing and when she returned I told her I thought that was funny. As I was on my way out the door she stopped me very concerned and said, I hope you really didn't think I was referring to you. I told her I knew she wasn't but also that I thought the whole thing was funny!

AAAHHHHH, I was nicely surprised

In this book I was reading mentioned previously I wrote about that horrible character. Well, closer to the end of the book she tells the main character that she had the crush on, that she has had past lovers and was going back to one of them. She asks him if he is surprised. She tells him that the fact that he supposes that she can never experience happiness or joy in life hurts her. So, basically she challenges his stereotypical views and I was really glad to see it!

Horrible Character

I am currently reading the book "Empire Falls" by Richard Russo. It took me quite a while to get into it. It was on the recommended reading table at my library. There is a character in the book who is disabled from a young age after being hit by a car. She is totally a stereotypical character of a "cripple" which is how everyone things of her. She is painted as someone to pity and loathe. Poor Cindy, is how most of the town thinks of her. She is not at all motivated to do physical therapy and is described as both spoiled and weak. She is also someone who has spent half her life in mental hospitals. She tried to kill herself over the main character in the book the only person who even remotely showed her any friendship when she was growing up, which he did because his mother convinced him that poor Cindy's life was so miserable that he out to be kind to her, being a good Catholic, which he was. She declared her undying love for him in high school and he has been afraid of her ever since, but when she comes back to town after a long absence he invites her to a football game in spite of himself. She is also the daughter of his boss, the richest woman who owns half the town. God! The whole thing is so stereotypical. I have been feeling angry the last few days and I realize it is because of this book. The way this character is portrayed is exactly how I fear that others see me. (Minus the mental hospital part: I have never been in one). However, she also reminds me of an ex-boyfriend who had CP and spent a good deal of time in mental hospitals after I broke up with him. He was constantly threatening to kill himself over me. Ugh. I don't want to think of him. A few times I thought of not finishing the stupid book, but I can never do that. I always have to see how it turns out even if I hate it!

All is quiet, for now

There is nothing new in my Criplife, to be honest, other than the fact that my lawyer informed me that I may be able to move to a new category of Medicaid without being cut off all together, which would be a blessing indeed. OK, now that I said there was nothing new, I am thinking of things to blog about. For one, the kids at school have been observed by me making fun of my gait. I talked with the Guidance Counselor about how to respond and she recommended that I ask them how they would feel if someone made fun of them. Since that discussion, a couple weeks ago, I haven't seen anyone doing it. I am just waiting though. One of the 7th graders came in with crutches on Thursday after spraining her ankle, and her friend was trying out the crutches. She then asked to try mine, and she prefaced it by saying: "Look I am Miss T." I thought she was going to imitate me, but she didn't. On the one hand, I expected this and am not surprised. Actually, I thought I would see more of it. At the same time there is a part of me that is still a kid inside who wants to belt them and call them names. Do any of us ever lose that little kid enough not to be bothered by being made fun of?

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away

Great news! I had my hearing for my social security disability benefits last Thursday and the judge approved me then and there. My euphoria lasted 5 minutes however, when my attorney told me that I was now going to be ineligible for Medicaid in the category I am in, unless I can get in under another category. I will have to wait two years for Medicare! I could potentially be without insurance for that long! What is wrong with this system??!!

Ripe for a Fall

Ah, the delusion of thinking you can do without...holding onto the doorjamb while stepping down into my garage. My hands were full, I was in a rush. I decided that instead of shifting my load in order to hold on to the doorjamb I stupidly decided to lean just my shoulder into the doorjamb. And, BANG!! Of course I fell, right onto my bad shoulder. I then proceeded to do a lot of driving that day. Thank God, I have not suffered any long lasting effects of that. Oh the need to be in denial about what I can do and what I can't do! As they say in AA:"It's progress, not perfection". I can now ask for help or stop doing things that I know will end up in injury...just not this time!