At it Again

I don't know what this title means. Really all it means is that I am typing here again I guess. Well, 10 days until I have my torn rotator cuff repaired. Life is getting more and more interesting. I am nervous as I haven't had surgery in 30 years. It brings back such old crap. I am anxious about the anesthesia and the length of recovery. I will be out of work for a week, which in many ways is not bad at all. I am just afraid that I will feel too isolated and get depressed. I am looking forward to the break from work otherwise. Life with a disability is never dull!
I have been able to get up and read a poem at an open reading twice recently. I hadn't been able to do that in a couple of years. I had a spot for 15 minutes of just me reading a few years ago and I tried to do it standing (like always) and my legs started to tremble and I finally had to ask for a seat. I have felt too self conscious to read again. But, I have been able to get up, and not only that I am much more relaxed about the idea of people watching me or seeing me walking, (a lifelong battle of self-consciousness that I have fought). The key is self acceptance, I am finding. I have gained alot of that recently, and I have AA to thank. I have finally been able to give myself positive feedback and feel OK about myself lately!