Time Flies When you are Having Fun

I haven't been here in almost two weeks. These past couple of weeks have been somewhat eventful, I guess. I went to the Neurosurgeon for my bone spurs this week and god, I was so anxious I woke up at 2:00 a.m. the day of the appt. The Neurosurgeon said that the risks of the surgery outweigh the benefits, and I would need more than one surgery to fix my neck. So, he would not recommend it. When I asked about it getting worse with age he said it could take 20 years. I don't believe it will take that long. He said that the spurs in the front of my neck are too small for me to feel and something else was causing my swallowing problems. I didn't believe that either. The appt. felt like it went too fast, like he really didn't have time for me. I felt kind of blown off. I came home angry. He did say he wants me to have an EMG for the nerve function in my arm, and a steroid injection in my neck. I have the EMG in a month, and then I go back to see him in May. I have my appt. with my Physiatrist this week, so I want to see what he thinks. I came home feeling depressed. I had my birthday and turned 45. I feel old. I was not happy.I am worried about losing my independence, developing more neck problems, and generally becoming incapacitated. I stayed sober though. I felt like drinking, but I didn't. Today is day 125 in this round of non-drinking life. I went to a meeting today. It is snowing but not as much as they said for us. Blah, blah, blah.